Do you sometimes feel invisible? Unimportant? Unneeded?
Sometimes I do. When that occurs, I just remind myself that I somehow make an impact. It might not have been revealed yet. If I die without doing anything big, at least I know I somehow changed the world, even if only a tiny bit.
I also sometimes feel at a loss of what to do. I mean, how am I supposed to go about solving a certain problem? I often feel like I'm dancing inside of a minefield. One misstep and... kabloey. I have to decide whether to take a risk. I also have to imagine every possibility, every angle.
The problem with that is actually kind of weird. I'm no computer. To be able to predict every possibility, I would need to know every thing about everyone. EVERYTHING is a factor.
Unfortunately, running like that is the only way to achieve perfection. And it is completely impossible to run like that, so there is no such thing as perfection.
One of my very favorite poems (disregarding Casey At The Bat and My Captain, My Captain) is by Jack Prelutsky. It's called A Dizzy Little Duzzle.
It goes like this.
I'm a dizzy little duzzle and I do the best I can as I aimlessly meander with no purpose and no plan I don't pay the least attention as I wander out and in so I haven't any notion of a single place I've been for a while I may go straighter than a train upon a track then for no apparent reason change my course and double back my approach is so haphazard I am bound to lose my way as my random transmigration takes me hopelessly astray I may amble in a circle make an unexpected turn and my final destination is of simply no concern yet I always seem to manage to arrive where I began though I'm but a dizzy little duzzle with no purpose and no plan.
Aside from the obvious lack of punctuation, this poem hits my heart. It may have hit yours, too. It describes a duzzle (whatever that is) who spins around with uncertainty that morphs into unconcern.
Do you ever feel like this? You aimlessly meander around, trying to find your way, until you finally give in.You just wander around without care in the world. Well, you aren't necessarily in a minority. Everyone feels like this occasionally. It's a terrible feeling. It's one I'm going through right now. I don't know where to go, how to get there, what to do there, why I'm still here.
It's a crazy feeling. It's one I loathe. But it's combat-able.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
A Bit Of ME
This is a song that I think truly defines my life.
When you were young, chances were that you did a lot of "When I grow up, I wanna be a ______!" as a kid.
Well, I'm not completely grown up, but I am stuck between two careers. One pays pretty nicely and can be fun, but a lot of work. The other hardly pays at all and can be fun, but a lot of work. At this point, I'm aiming to do both. There is no side job, they both would be equally important. The main reason I am aiming for these careers, is that I can connect with both.
Can you guess what the careers are? I'll give you a hint. They aren't anything ridiculously ambitious, but aren't plain easy either.
This next hint's basically a giveaway. Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, and Clementi all did this. That's right, composing. Only classical music, though, because that's the only good type of music, in my opinion.
Please don't yell at me. I just find classical music to have great emotion, a calming sense, and very easy to connect to, especially with no lyrics.
The other career is something that Lewis Carroll, J.K. Rowling, Frederick Douglass, and Rick Riordan all did/do. Writing. I love doing it so much. Poems, essays, short stories, vignettes, all of it. I'm doing it right now, though this isn't really for my benefit. Yours, more so.
I'm putting this song here again. Listen, then try to imagine me inside. Put the emotions heard in the song in your mind, then imagine them in mine.
I'll give you a bit of advice. In choosing something to do in your lifetime, choose something that you connect with, that isn't too crazy but a bit of a challenge, and something that you find others don't really want to do. It usually means that they aren't right for it. You might be.
I'll also add a few things I've written. They are purely mine. Plagiarism sucks.
First One
Second
I'd like to note this. The first link is a story that is completely fictional and random.
The other one is something that I just think.
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE!!! I HAVE SOOOOO MUCH MORE THAN THIS, MORE WILL BE IN THE NEXT POSTS!!!
Guys, follow your dreams. I've written, I have composed (on a free site called Noteflight.com) I know what I want to do with this miserable excuse for a life. I wish to get important points across to yhe public. That's why this blog exists.
I've posted some of my stuff on here to give you an idea of why I am how I am. If you were wondering, here's some guidance.
On the next post, I'll ... do whatever. I don't know.
When you were young, chances were that you did a lot of "When I grow up, I wanna be a ______!" as a kid.
Well, I'm not completely grown up, but I am stuck between two careers. One pays pretty nicely and can be fun, but a lot of work. The other hardly pays at all and can be fun, but a lot of work. At this point, I'm aiming to do both. There is no side job, they both would be equally important. The main reason I am aiming for these careers, is that I can connect with both.
Can you guess what the careers are? I'll give you a hint. They aren't anything ridiculously ambitious, but aren't plain easy either.
This next hint's basically a giveaway. Beethoven, Mozart, Bach, and Clementi all did this. That's right, composing. Only classical music, though, because that's the only good type of music, in my opinion.
Please don't yell at me. I just find classical music to have great emotion, a calming sense, and very easy to connect to, especially with no lyrics.
The other career is something that Lewis Carroll, J.K. Rowling, Frederick Douglass, and Rick Riordan all did/do. Writing. I love doing it so much. Poems, essays, short stories, vignettes, all of it. I'm doing it right now, though this isn't really for my benefit. Yours, more so.
I'm putting this song here again. Listen, then try to imagine me inside. Put the emotions heard in the song in your mind, then imagine them in mine.
I'll give you a bit of advice. In choosing something to do in your lifetime, choose something that you connect with, that isn't too crazy but a bit of a challenge, and something that you find others don't really want to do. It usually means that they aren't right for it. You might be.
I'll also add a few things I've written. They are purely mine. Plagiarism sucks.
First One
Second
I'd like to note this. The first link is a story that is completely fictional and random.
The other one is something that I just think.
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE!!! I HAVE SOOOOO MUCH MORE THAN THIS, MORE WILL BE IN THE NEXT POSTS!!!
Guys, follow your dreams. I've written, I have composed (on a free site called Noteflight.com) I know what I want to do with this miserable excuse for a life. I wish to get important points across to yhe public. That's why this blog exists.
I've posted some of my stuff on here to give you an idea of why I am how I am. If you were wondering, here's some guidance.
On the next post, I'll ... do whatever. I don't know.
Monday, December 10, 2012
The Real You
What I mean by "The Real You" is this: If you've been plagued by any influence, you become a different version of you. You 2.0. You are now different in some way, and whether big or small, it is a change. But change isn't always good. If an influence changes you, the new version of you is just you + influence.
You + influence = better you
You + influence = worse you
Do you see that? It is change by influence, dumbed down a bit. This proves that there is no mathematical explanation for change by influence (Let's call it C.B.I.). C.B.I. is not governed by laws of physics or science or anything but you, your common sense, and other influences. These things also all govern each other.
What I mean is this: Your common sense can help you make decisions, one of which is acceptance of influence. Sometimes, your common sense is wrong. It may be influenced by something.
Other influences can be your background, your finances, your health, your happiness, your fame, your intelligence, your self-confidence, and many others. These influences can be influenced by other influences, or your common sense.
Confused? I'll give an example. You're mother tells you that being a hunter is a very dangerous sport that you should not practice. Your common sense says that your mom is right, because handling guns is dangerous. Other past influences, like your peers telling you to give it a try, and your uncle being a champion sharpshooter, and being great at other sports, say to hunt as you please. In the end, you decide to hunt.
But! That isn't really you making the decision. It's past influences. In other cases, it's your common sense talking. It's not the real you.
Now do you understand?
If not, consider this example.
Your best friend buys a gun and plans suicide. He tells you, and you have to decide how to respond. Common sense tells you to stay away from this mess. It's not your business, and acquaintances aside, your friend could end up killing you. However, you are influenced by the fact that it's your best friend at stake, this would be on your head, none of your other friends would trust you...
You decide to try and stop him. You argue, you fight, you get shot with the very gun that was planned to be the weapon for your friend's suicide. You die. Your friend, ridden with guilt, commits suicide.
So much for that plan.
You'll notice that I emphasized the excessive use of the word "your" in the last paragraph. It's not you trying overrun by emotion, not knowing what to do, ready to end your life. So what's up with all this?
It just screams, "It's all about ME. I don't care about it as long as it doesn't affect ME. ME, ME, ME.
Well, maybe past influences made you that self centered. If so, then you've created a chain reaction of influences that ended up with you and your friend pushing up daisies.
It's not the person you were born as. It isn't the real you. It's you + influence + influence + influence + common sense + more influence.
That's not THE REAL YOU.
Valete, Commili praeponere.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Importance
As I was saying, you are in some way important. It doesn't matter if you're 90 years old or 3 years old or 15 seconds old, you have added something to the world.
Think of that addition as a superpower. You may not have developed your powers yet, but soon you'll use them. You may find a new cure for cancer. You may create a new invention that makes life all-around easier. Maybe you won't. But then you'll probably save the life of the person who will go on to do these things.
Now, think about every Marvel movie you've seen. There is a hero, there is a villain. Hero beats villian. Villian suffers a dramatic death or some sort of revelation or something of the sort.
My point is, if you have your addition/superpower and use it to bomb a country, to assassinate a world leader, or to commit mass murder in a theater in Colorado, or to cause terror at Virginia Tech School, you are certainly adding something. Unfortunately it isn't anything good.
If you've been plagued by the wrong ideas, the wrong background, the wrong crowd, anything of the sort...
Then you become a part of the problem, and help influence people like you... or who you were.
You have to learn to resist temptations.
If you've been plagued already, then there is a simple cure. You. The real you.
I'll get on that in the next post.
Valete, Commili praeponere.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Welcome
Welcome to Me, My Life, My Times.
I'll start by saying this...
I'm just a stupid kid. I can't do anything right, everybody hates me, you probably already know the drill.
The fact of the matter is, though, I've gotta get things out there. You grow old, you die, and nobody knows a thing about you.
Maybe you're young...like me. It might not matter to you. However, when Pokémon is out of fashion, your Yu-Gi-Oh cards are trash, and your Barbies have rusted, you're gonna realize that life isn't endless. You can die at any second.
I'll start by saying this...
I'm just a stupid kid. I can't do anything right, everybody hates me, you probably already know the drill.
The fact of the matter is, though, I've gotta get things out there. You grow old, you die, and nobody knows a thing about you.
Maybe you're young...like me. It might not matter to you. However, when Pokémon is out of fashion, your Yu-Gi-Oh cards are trash, and your Barbies have rusted, you're gonna realize that life isn't endless. You can die at any second.
You probably think I'm stupid, but let me tell you this: life SUCKS. You can't turn back the time and fix it. You can't reverse the damage.
Maybe this doesn't apply to you right now. Maybe, it never did. But hey, I am here to tell you, IT WILL.
What you just finished looking at is a picture of my mom, and my dad, together.
Yeah, lucky me. Dad's dead. Heart attack. You can rub off some of the fake gold and rhinestones and get a fair picture of what life really is.
I don't have the worst life ever. Many can take that claim. All that do are WRONG.
Everyone's life rockets upwards sometimes. Money, happiness, fame.
And five seconds later, you're on the streets, with nothing but a piece of cardboard with "HELP" on it.
Everyone's life is the best and the worst. I can't say I'm the only one. Neither can you.
And what about YOU? The person at the the screen, ruing the fact that you ever clicked the link to this idiot's stupid blog.
You are, in some way, IMPORTANT.
I'll get to that on my next post.
Valete, commili praeponere.
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